I’m not sure what prompted the attack, but my Facebook persona underwent some kind of major aging “makeover” over the past couple of weeks. It’s like one day I was identified as hip 40 year-old woman and the next singled out as an “Easy Spirited” 80 year-old.
Did the algorithm Gods finally detect that sweater I wore in last year’s holiday photo or what? All I know is that all of the sudden “sponsors” are now suggesting a closet full of shoes—granny brand shoes—for me and I’m not happy. Not happy at all. Throw in a smattering of coffins, creams and the unique opportunity to participate in some new “climax” pill for the elderly study—well, I feel a bit uncertain about my midlife “menoscripting” for this blog. Or, more candidly…I feel a whole lot of self-pity right now. The only reason I haven’t ordered the coffin and jumped off the house is that the climax study promises to pay for a whole lot of that anti-aging cream.
Like me, you might be wondering if I’m imagining things. The first couple of days I thought it was random that every single time I logged into Facebook and at the top was a sponsored story about a certain brand of what I used to call “old lady shoes.” Day after day for two weeks seemed to drive home that I’ve been re-classified.
Somebody or something has decided that I’m now to pitch out my three-inch heels and literally “trade up” to three-inch rubber soled shoes. And, just like my son’s shoes did when he was five…I can now sport Velcro strapping. The only thing missing is red flashing lights and maybe one of those sensors in case I fall down.
“Hey, look! She’s fallen and she’s not getting up!” The ambulance arrives and thank God they can quickly locate me because I’m lying in the middle of the parking lot flashing like Christmas.
So, what’s the point of today’s post? Mostly to bitch. And, secondly to ask for help. Can I turn back my biological clock on Facebook? Does anyone know? If you have the answer, please message me ASAP before I do something drastic.